


Buddy, Where's My Car?

by SoBeBold



Category: Letterkenny (TV)
Genre: Bros to lovers, Cutesy, Dude Where's My Car AU, Fluff, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Ridiculousness, because yes i think theyre cutesy, has that even been done before, realizing things TM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:35:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28486194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoBeBold/pseuds/SoBeBold
Summary: Reilly and Jonesy solve a mystery. In the end, they find what they’ve been looking for all along.
Relationships: Jonesy/Reilly (Letterkenny)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	Buddy, Where's My Car?

**Author's Note:**

> Man, it's HARD to write Letterkenny dialogue and do it justice! Hopefully I did! I'm late on everything and I've also been out of the loop with the show for a while, so please forgive me for that. 
> 
> For fuck's sake, we survived 2020. Let's bring in the New Year with these two being adorably hilarious idiots.

Jonesy’s eyes cracked open and the sun beat in on them. He slammed them shut again and groaned. He had a vicious headache. Next to him, a big lump of blond hair, muscle, and a tank top stirred, groaning too.

“Buddy, what the hell did we do last night?” Reilly asked, his hair in his face and his snapback sitting crooked on his head. 

Jonesy’s head swiveled around. They were in Modean’s parking lot, laying on an old couch by the dumpsters, their limbs all over and entangled. “We owned this fuckin’ place, that’s what we did! I don’t remember shit, you?”

Reilly crowed, “Not a fuckin thing, bro, just the way it’s supposed to be!”

“Bet we crushed some choice box.”

“Bet we got some swipey snipeys.”

“Bet we drank a fuckin tanker of Gus n bru, ferda!”

“Ferda!” They bumped fists. Jonesy looked around again and realized something important was missing. Something big and red with four tires.

“Buddy, where’s my car?”

“Where’s your car, buddy?” Reilly asked, looking around too.

Both sat up from a the trash-heap couch. At least they were on familiar turf behind Modean’s, but the Jeep was nowhere to be seen.

Jonesy blinked. “Buddy, where’s my car?”

“Where’s your car, buddy?”

Jonesy squinted, as if that would make it magically appear. “Buddy, where’s my car?”

Reilly looked up toward the roof, his car still crooked and hair still in his face. “Where’s your car, Buddy?”

Jonesy took off the cap and swept Reilly’s hair back, so he could see, neatly tucking it behind his ear before putting the snapback back on. Backward, of course.

“Thanks, Bro,” Reilly said.

“Anything for my bro,” Jonesy said, grabbing Reilly’s hands and pulling him to his feet. Jonesy put his hands on his hips and looked around. “Looks like we got a little mystery on our hands, bro. Gonna go all Scooby Doo adventures, boys.”

“Gonna go all Great Mouse Detective, boys.”

“Gonna go all Bendy-dick cunterbunch BBC Sherlock, boys.” They punctuated it with the Chel noise and went for the door.

Inside Modeans, Gail was sweeping dust and broken bottles off the floor at a leisurely pace.

“”Sup, Gailer?” Reilly gave her the universal chin-up bro greeting.

“Hey boys, get in a fight with the dumpster back there? Or maybe you were doing something…” she lowered her voice, “a little more dirty.”

“We’re plenty dirty,” Jonesy said, brushing at his shorts, the innuendo going right over his head.

Gail raised a saucy eyebrow. “I know you are. What can I do for you?”

“We’re lookin’ for my wheels. Can’t find it anywhere.”

“Don’t know how you lost it. Thought you two were in the backseat half the night.”

“Bro,” Reilly said, holding out a fist for Jonesy to bump. “We were crushing so much box, buddy.”

“City snipes, bro.” Jonesy bumped back, even though it didn’t feel like they’d crushed any choice box last night. Seemed like it had been just the two of them.

“You were getting hot and heavy, all right, but not the way you think,” Gail said. The boys blinked at each other, and Gail just kind of shrugged and didn’t elaborate.

“Think you can help us out? Do you know where we went?”

“I think you went over looking for Katie, but she ran you off. Knowing the two of you, you’d probably abandon your truck and run off on foot when you saw Wayne comin’.” Jonesy and Reilly exchanged embarrassed glances, scratching at the backs of their necks. “Take the Caddy, ride it out to Wayne’s. She better not have a scratch on her when you bring her back or I’ll paddle you good. On second thought, I don’t need a reason to give your pretty little asses a good whipping.”

Reilly took offense to that. “It’s not little, Gailer, I’ve been _crushing_ those pistol squats.”

“Yeah, my bro’s got an ass that won’t quit, ferda.” They fist bumped again.

Reilly set his face into a determined expression and turned to Jonesy. “We’re gonna get to the bottom of this, Buddy.” Reilly took his hand and led him out of Modeans. Jonesy was surprised, but it felt nice so he went with it.

“I’m not good at math, but I don’t think this works out, Buddy.” They stood looking at Gail’s old ten-speed, which looked like it could barely hold up her slim-and-trim body let alone two full-grown hockey bros, and it definitely wasn’t a two-seater.

“Don’t worry, we’ll just do it old school like when we were kids.” Old school meant, Reilly would stand up and pedal, controlling the handle bars, while Jonesy sat on the seat and held his feet up off the ground. The only thing he really had to do was balance. Part of that was wrapping his arms around Reilly’s waist.

It wasn’t too weird, Jonesy touched his bro all the time. Just usually it was probably more like bros, and right now it was probably more like a rocket he wanted to slam. Reilly’s back was broad and hard, and despite it all he actually smelled kinda good; a little like clean sweat and stale traces of his cologne and beer and just, Reilly. His hair blew in the breeze and it made Jonesy think of some sort of Disney princess. Like Rapunzel letting down her golden hair.

Jonesy held on, a little more in awe of Reilly’s raw athleticism now that he was feeling it for himself instead of just seeing it all the time. “Fuckin killer abs Broski.”

“Been ripping those stability ball mountain climbers, Broski,” Reilly said over his shoulder.

“It shows. I can feel it, broski.” And he could. He could feel each of Reilly’s muscles ripples under his tank top every time he pushed off, as his weight shifted from side to side. Jonesy caught himself watching Reilly’s ass work. Just admiring all the time the dude put into his glutes.

Ripping those fuckin’ frog squats. The thought got him a little hot under the tank top, but maybe it was just the sun beaming down on them. _He’s hot. He should be proud. I’m proud._

After a while of watching Reilly’s body with admiration, Jonesy realized how far they’d gone.

“You tired?” He asked. “Let me take over.” Ten miles wasn’t so bad, but when you were lugging around your 195 pound bro, it was different. 

“That’s cool.” When Reilly turned around, Jonesy noticed the sheen of sweat on his forehead, and a couple of beads running down his collarbone toward his chest. His blue tank clung to him, outlining the rock-hard pecs he was so proud of. Jonesy realized how much he saw Reilly’s body sweaty and how much he enjoyed the view. Even more at the moment, for some reason. Jonesy could use a drink of water right about now.

Jonesy put his feet on the road to settle the bike while Reilly climbed on. Reilly braced his hands against Jonesy’s shoulders and turned around, swinging his legs over and almost straddling Jonesy’s lap. Then he sat up on the handlebars. Facing Jonesy. That water sure would come in handy right about now.

Jonesy cleared his dry throat. “Uh, don’t you wanna look ahead, see what’s coming, Buddy?”

Reilly shook his head casually looking over the cornfields. “Easier to hang on to you. I know you won’t get me road-killed. I trust you.”

It was Reilly’s turn to close his eyes. Jonesy found it hard to look at him and hard to look away.

Jonesy was aware that he was like, between his bro’s knees. He gulped. He was so desperate for a drink he might even ask Wayne when they got there. He pedaled hard, concentrating on the long stretch of road in front of them instead of the way Reilly’s tank, sticky with sweat, exposed part of his pec and ripped obliques, a nipple peeking past the fabric when he twisted his torso to look around.

Jonesy was breathing hard from more than just the workout when they pulled up to their destination.

Wayne gave them his trademark squinty-eyed look and spit in the grass.

“End of the laneway, don’t come up the property.” They stopped dead. Both pretended like they weren’t, but they were scared shitless of the toughest guy in Letterkenny.

Reilly held up his palms. “We’re, uh, looking for our truck?”

“What on God’s spinning green marble makes you lovebirds think we’d give that thing sanctuary?” Wayne barked.

Jonesy tried, “Gail said-”

“Glad to know you got the caddy honestly, otherwise I was gonna come down there and talk to ya.”

Jonesy laid a hand on his chest. “dude, Gail’s our bro, we’re not gonna steal from her. I’m appalled you would imply such a thing.”

Reilly nodded. “Nice, bro, that was some shakespearean shit.” They high-fived.

Jonesy turned back to the gang, minus Katy-Kat, sitting in front of the produce stand. “We’re just looking for my car, you know, trying to unravel this mystery together, is all.”

“Together, huh?” Darry deadpanned.

Reilly furrowed his brows, confused. “Yeah, what’s weird about that? We’re always together.”

“We’re well aware, duchess,” Wayne snapped.

Dan pointed with the hand holding his beer. “Ah Waynes, give it a rest, wills ya? You knows what Professor Trisha says-” Wayne waved him off, grumbling. Dan looked at the two of them, standing there holding up Gail’s bike. “You’s twos were here last night, mighty unfortunatesly, askin’ after miss Katy. Said yous’d just comes from the Rez’s.”

“The rez?” Jonesy asked. “What were we doing up there?”

“I’d say riding each other’s handlebars backwards,” Darry said, not missing a beat.

Reilly squinted. “Huh?”

Wayne snorted. “Reminds me of my favorite movie, dumb and braindead.”

“Nows Wayne, everybodys gets to have their sexual awakenings in their own time.”

“Huh?” Reilly and Jonesy said at the same time. A knot formed in Jonesy’s stomach but he couldn’t figure out why. 

Wayne squinted one eye closed and raised the opposite brow, glaring at them with the one eye. “Watching you two’s sexual awakening is like watching two steers hump.”

Darry gulped his beer. “Whole lotta bollocks and still dickless.”

“You two are dumber than a pair of headless Alabama hens.”

“‘Sposed to run before the axe comes down. You leave your heads on the chopping block?”

“You’s two are stumped in more ways than one.” Dan gave Wayne a look and Wayne conceded. Somewhat. “Congratulations, I suppose. Sort yourselves out.”

Jonesy and Reilly moped over to the bike, grumbling and kicking at the road. Jonesy ran a hair through his sick flow, because if nothing else, he was still a rocket. “Switch again?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’m rested up now. What do you think they meant by all that?”

Jonesy shrugged. “I don’t know, Buddy.” But it was wearing on him, trying to figure it out.

It was a long way to the Rez.

Jonesy tried to look anywhere but at Reilly’s ass. “The sun like, definitely changed positions in the sky. That’s astrologomy, bro.”

Tanis headed them off at the lone gas station right outside the Rez’s border, backed by a bunch of BFIs.

She coolly sucked on her cigarette, eyeing the two of them before saying, “The fuck.”

Reilly did a little bow. “We come in peace.”

Jonesy added, “Not lookin’ for beef, know what I mean?”

Tanis eyed them shrewdly. “Gettin’ it from your boy, ain’t you?”

Jonesy grinned and slapped a hand on Reilly’s shoulder. “Gettin’ beefed up together? Hell yeah. This dudes a fuckin’ beefcake.

“Total beefeater right here.”

“I bet,” Tanis deadpanned.

Reilly gave her a thumbs up. “Thanks for noticing our gains, bro.”

Tanis rolled her eyes. “You’s two smell like roadkill. You can’t step on my Rez until you clean up.”

A member of her entourage threw them a hose attached to the station leaking red-tinged water.

Both men ripped off their tank tops and started spraying each other. As soon as the water hit Reilly’s chest and he tipped his head back and sighed, eyes blissfully closed, Jonesy knew they’d made a mistake.

“The hell are you wasting my time for, anyway?”

“We’re looking for our car. Wayne says we were out here last night.”

Tanis had a whispered conversation with one of the men while Jonesy and Reilly switched off with the hose. It was when Reilly turned his back that Jonesy noticed it. A tattoo high on his back, between his shoulder blades, just below the back of his neck. 

“Buddy, you got a tattoo!” Jonesy crowed, handing the hose over to Reilly to get his back and turning around.

Reilly shouted, “So did you, bro!”

I got a tattoo? Jonesy thought. “What does mine say?”

“Bro! What does mine say?” Reilly asked, then turned around to show his new tattoo.

The five black letters were big, bold, and clear. “Buddy. What does mine say?” He turned around. 

Reilly looked at his back and said, “ _Bro._ But what does _mine_ say?”

What part of this didn’t he understand? His tattoo said Buddy.

“Buddy!” Jonesy shouted. “What does mine say?”

“Bro!” Reilly yelled. The hose hit the ground with a clink and a splatter of water and they were wrestling each other in a shitty gas station parking lot in front of Tanis and all the Natives. 

Tanis rolled her whole head and shouted. “You idiots! Your tattoo says bro,” She pointed to Jonesy, “and your tattoo says buddy!” She pointed to Reilly. Then she cussed them out in her language. They have no idea what she said, but they know it was a righteous chirping.

“Your damn jeep was never here. You weren’t here long enough before I kicked your asses out.” Tanis abandoned them, leaving them half-naked and damp, shoulder slumped and heads hanging low. 

They looked at each other, remembering . 

“We got tattoos!”Jonesy crowed.

“Ferda bis!” They high-fived.

“Ferda!”

Tanis yelled, “Get the fuck off my rez!”

Reilly and Jonesy found themselves riding in the tail of an old dodge Ram, knees hiked up to their chests, arms wrapped around them.

“It sure was good of Tommy Water Hunter to take us back to town,” Jonesy yelled over the roar of the rap music and the muffler-less engine.

“Yeah, he’s a fuckin bro.” Reilly looked over to Gail’s bike, lying on it’s side, trying to slide on the truck bed’s grooves. Reilly grabbed it and steadied it, and again Jonesy couldn’t help but admire how his beautiful hair whipped in the strong wind.

He knew they were back in town when the pulled up to a stoplight.

Who in the hell should pull up next to them in a scuzzy Toyota but Katy. With Stewart riding shotgun. He sneered at them.

“Bro! That’s our girlfriend!”

“Not anymore,” Stewart said in his weird snake-like voice.

“Fuck you, you python face Tom Riddle,” Jonesy snapped.

Stewart straightened out an arm and put it around Katy’s shoulders. Katy looked uncomfortable but didn’t pull away, just crossed her arms.

Reilly snarled. “He’s not gettin’ away with that.” He straightened out his arm and put it around Jonesy’s shoulders, jerking his chin up at Stewart. Jonesy was surprised, but tried not to show it. 

Instead he said, “Your move, asshole.” Katy’s eyebrows lifted. 

“Guess it finally happened for you two amoebas, did it?” Stewart hissed.

“What finally happened, you pin cushion meth head?” Reilly shot back. Reilly’s warm, strong, heavy arm anchored Jonesy, woke him up to the present moment. He almost forgot Stewart and Katy were even there. 

Until Stewart leaned over and started making out with her. 

“Oh, fuck no.” Reilly was incensed.

“He’s kissing our girl, buddy, what do we do?”

“we fight fire with fire.”

“We do?”

“Uh, yeah, we can’t stand for that shit, eh?”

They stared at each other for a second. Then nodded small, imperceptible nods. Then they went for it. 

Kissing Reilly was not quite what Jonesy expected. 

It wasn’t just rough and animalistic, the way he expected, ’cause his bro was a fuckin’ full-on man, after all, a beast on and off the ice. What surprised him was the passion. The tingling, the rush, the like, crashing wave taking him under. What surprised him was how much kissing Reilly shook him like a protein shake, because it felt like they should have been doing this all along.

Katy was staring like he’d grown another head, and Stewart looked mad enough to spit.

“Ha!” Reilly yelled, as Stewart looked straight ahead, muttering to himself, and stomped on the gas. “We got him, Bro!” Reilly elbowed Jonesy. “Fuck you, asshole!” As the Toyota’s tires screeched, Katy turned to make eye contact with Jonesy. He could just make out what she mouthed to him before they made a turn. _Happy for you._

Suddenly, Jonesy had an idea. He slapped the cab of the truck twice with his palm. “Take us to the rink, Tommy.”

Reilly brought a hand up to his forehead. “Brooooooo, the rink! Why the fuck didn’t we think of this before? Fuckin’ obvies.”

“Way obvies, Buddy.” Jonesy should have been happy; the mystery seemed to be unraveled. Instead, he just had a bubbling, nervous feeling in his gut because he knew _why_ he remembered.

The truck was sitting like a red beacon in the empty parking lot. 

Jonesy gasped. “My baby.”

Reilly made his way over, rubbing his palms together like he was about to eat a big steak. Jonesy dragged behind him.

Reilly’s face fell. “What’s the matter? You’re reunited and it’s supposed to feel so good.”

Jonesy couldn’t keep the worried look off his face. Reilly’s grin dropped off, replaced by concern. Jonesy went for the driver’s seat, but Reilly slid in front of him, stopping him short. “Talk to me.”

Jonesy looked away, shame around his neck like a chain. “Nah, it’s nothin’.”

“It’s not nothin’, Buddy,” Reilly said softly. He reached out and stroked the back the Jonesy’s head. Felt nice. His eyes fluttered closed. “Talk to me,” Reilly repeated, cradling the base of Jonesy’s skull, stroking with his thumb.

“I remember what happened last night.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Jonesy took a deep breath and let it come out. “I told you I loved you, broski.” He opened his eyes. Reilly was just as close, still stroking with his thumb. 

“But you tell me you love me all the time, broski.” His head was tilted and his brows scrunched, and he looked like a cute puppy, and based on how Jonesy was getting all mushy inside looking at him now, and how mushy he was all day, he knew it was the whole truth and nothing but.

Jonesy sighed. Here was the part where he lost his best buddy. “I know, but then I kissed you it and was _not_ like a broski.”

Reilly’s head jerked back. He didn’t take his hand away, but his thumb stopped moving. He got that thinking look on his face. It was like when a computer screen froze He was silent, looking off into the distance. Jonesy knew to give him a sec, the process usually took some time. 

Finally he came back. “Let me make sure I have all the facts. You told me you loved me.”

“Yep.”

“Then you kissed me.”

“Yep.”

“That’s everything.”

“Yep.”

Reilly’s voice dragged out slowly. “Welllll, did I kiss you back?”

“I mean, it was- we were- we went after it hardcore, buddy.”

Reilly went back into processing mode. Jonesy waited, taking in Reilly’s face in the meantime. _Seriously, what a hot piece._ Finally, he came back online.

“What happened in Tommy Dubs’ truck…I liked it. And even though we had a fuckin’ bonkers day, it was nice ‘cause, it was all with you.” Reilly shrugged a shoulder. “Every day with you is nice, bro.” His hand shifted to palm Jonesy’s cheek, his thumb stroking over his cheekbone.

“Yeah?” Jonesy laid his hand over Reilly’s.

“Yeah.”

“Think maybe we should try it again, in case we didn’t get it right the first two times?”

“You know what they say, the third time’s the chase.”

“I don’t think it’s chase, buddy, I think it’s the champ.”

“Oh, okay.” Reilly shrugged, happy as a clam. “Thanks, Bro. You always have my back.”

Jonesy hesitated for a moment. This would change everything, right? Or maybe it would change nothing, just help the pieces fall into their proper places. Reilly pulled him closer with the hand on his cheek. He rested his free hand on Reilly’s hip. Their lips brushed, just for a second. They exhaled slowly.

They looked into each other’s eyes one more time and saw that all the same buddy-love was still there, and this was the next logical step. It just made sense.

Reilly fit their mouths together and they were kissing, tongues twisting, jaws working, chest to chest, running their hands over each other’s muscles and skin. Finally.

They stood making out for what seemed like an hour, neither wanting to stop. Eventually, Jonesy felt Reilly smiling into the kiss, so he pulled back.

“What?” 

Reilly giggled a little. “We _were_ with snipes last night.”

Jonesy grinned. “We are the _kings_ of the snipes.”

“The fuckin’ grand poobahs of snipes, bro.”

“I’m fuckin’ wiped, buddy.”

“Me, too. Let’s go home, buddy. I mean, babe?” Reilly held out his hand. Jonesy took it.

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY SO. Dude, Where's My Car is one of the funniest damn shitshows I've ever seen. Peak 00's sophomoric humor with PEAK Seann William Scott and Ashton Kutcher. Reilly and Jonesy were just toooooo perfect for me not to eventually write this AU.
> 
> When I saw [THAT](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghDDdQxgXRw&ab_channel=Movieclips) kiss back in the day, the way I responded to it should have told me that eventually I'd be writing a shit ton of slash. I'm also thankful we've come a long way from the casual homophobia and transphobia in the film.
> 
> Also, The adorable actors' showing their [adorability](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaAhIMAAcqM&ab_channel=Crave) around 1:06 just throws fuel on the fire.
> 
> The fandom deserves this ship. CANONIZE THEM JARED.
> 
> I hope you loved it. Happy 2021!!!! ❤❤❤


End file.
